Growing with my Child

Chong Cheng

Everyone has multiple roles in this world. In my deepest heart, my most critical role is the father of my autistic child. She is an Angel with the purest heart.

She loves me so much, but asks so little, so simple.

She so kindly gives me the brightest smile just for my presence. She never deceives, and she may never know the downside of this world. Now I warmly embrace her “autisticity”, and I feel most peaceful and relaxed when I’m with my child alone. It has been a long journey, and my child and I have grown in different ways but are connected by a deep love. It has also been a very challenging spiritual course for me.

Mindset Evolution: Learning Empathy

I’m a lifetime learner. I had been an ambitious young professor, working very hard and hoping to contribute to society with professional achievements. My life has been greatly changing since the level 2-3 autistic diagnosis of my child was received on January 23, 2018, when she was four-years old. I had to redefine my life. I had to develop my mind profoundly to cope with the huge impact. 

My most crucial learning is about empathy. To a great extent, this learning is based on my daily life with my child. She looks and feels the world with different angles. With the continuous development of empathy, I gradually understand and share her feelings, and subsequently accommodate her needs. The reward is her happiness, which lights up my life everyday.

My learning of empathy is also closely related to inspiring books and role models that pave stairs for me to ascend to an upper spiritual level. I have learned from Bible, especially New Testament, since early 2018. I felt comforted by “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”, and I was touched by “Love your neighbor as yourself”. During Covid pandemic, I was very moved by the humanitarianism of doctors and nurses who would scarify themselves for others. Accordingly, I have studied Henry Dunant, the founder of Red Cross, to deeply understand the origin of humanitarianism. More recently, I have learned from Gandhi, the Father of the Nation in India. He was so empathetic that would scarify his own life for the justice and dignity of others. There are even role models in our local community. For instance, with great empathy and love, Chapman family have adopted four children with severe special needs. All these role models faithfully choose an exceptionally challenging life for noble purposes, and echoing their spirits can empower anyone to overcome life hardships.

Vision Evolution: To Develop Community-based Views

By developing empathy to interpret others’ needs and feelings, I gradually started to perceive that all human beings share the same fate and should work together for our society. My child has special needs, but who can live a long life without ever having special needs? 

The reality is that, even once the most powerful person could not avoid the law of nature of developing special needs at the late stage of life. For example, President Reagan had suffered over a decade of physical and mental disabilities before passing away in 2004. 

Can the needs of individuals be sufficiently addressed by family support? The Bush family, an extremely successful family with two Presidents, provides an answer. Before passing away in 2018, the elder George H. W. Bush had used a wheelchair for five years, with just a service dog as his daily companion in his last six months. Simply, family support alone is deficient. With the same fate, people of empathy should join together to develop empathy-based communities.

Emergency: A Transformative Event

I had gotten used to think, but not act, until an emergency triggered my transformation. 

At the end of June 2022, just the day before my child’s nine-years birthday, we came to her favorite buffet restaurant for an early celebration. I ate large chunks of meats quickly in this rare buffet lunch during pandemic. In the late night, I felt unusual abdominal pain --- my digestive tract was blocked! The several hours before dawn during my child’s birthday was physically the most painful time in my life. At the moments with very little consciousness, I worried none but my child, because I don’t know what life she could have if I no longer can take care of her. 

Fortunately, the pain gradually subsided by late morning, and the intestinal obstruction was eventually resolved around noon. I fully recovered, but my concern about her future life could not fade away. In the following weeks, I investigated local resources for supporting special needs, and discovered serious deficiency and long-term uncertainty of the supporting system. However, there is no individual solution, because this is a social issue. Almost everyone will be affected by this issue sooner or later, although most of us have not clearly realized this fact. Thus, in late 2022, I determined to become a social practitioner.

Every Moment is a Fresh Beginning

Those who know their destiny are unstoppable. In January 2023, I became a member of Amherst Committee on Disabilities, serving the local special needs community. In April 2023, I published a Chinese translation of Henry Dunant’s biography, to disseminate humanitarian values to Chinese readers. In May 2023, I published an article on Buffalo News, to advocate empathy-based inclusive communities. In August 2023, because I share the mission and values with Bridges from Borders, an extraordinary non-profit organization aimed to promote wellness and mental resilience of New Americans, I became a member of its Board of Directors ……

Any individual is so limited. I am nobody if I could not represent any others. Through my story, the message I wish to share and connect us is:

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World, and Let Us Change the World Together.